Breaking things with passion

So I had been adding fannish twitter accounts to my personal twitter, but I finally decided to separate them. I don't think my RL friends want to see my squee. So if you see me add you don't be alarmed! If you want to add me, I'd love that.

daughtershade

New Merlin episodes have gotten me excited. I'll probably try and post my thoughts about the episodes so far. I really want to discuss some of the things they're doing.

Also, Inception fandom is the gift that keeps on giving. I've started writing again thanks to cherrybina's kink meme 2.0. Hopefully, this will get me creating again.


Xposted to Livejournal

I got selected from my open id account. Lovely! I can't wait to see what Dreamwidth does with things around here. Looking forward to getting everything setup.

Well, not so much about the show as to what it meant to me. Watching this episode was probably hard for a lot of you. The news about the cancellation made this bittersweet. It was much harder for me. I can say that this episode was probably one of the best SGA episodes to date. Now some of you may have issues, but you have to agree that the performances were excellent. I'm not going into detail or doing an episode review because I don't want place this under a cut. That's not what this post is about. This post is about how something so silly as my scifi show can make me cry. Not because of the words that were written or the camera shots or the music, but because of how it made me feel and the memories it triggered.

I hope I'm not spoiling anything by stating that the episode is about memory loss. Again, avoiding detail, it's about how memory loss affects not just the person that it happens to, but to the people around them.

My father was the funniest, kindest, most loving person I've ever met. I hope that I'm like him. My mother certainly thinks so. I was always daddy's girl. Being an only child we were the three musketeers. My father was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's when I was in college. It started when he got fired from his job. He couldn't seem to get a new one. His former co-workers, who adored him, were concerned. They convinced my mom to take him to the doctor. It took the better part of a year to get the diagnosis, frontal lobe dementia. Mostly because my father was not yet 54, far to early to be developing any kind of age induced dementia. The year I graduated from college, my mother asked me to come home and take care of my dad. At first it was fun. I was simply making sure that he didn't leave the stove on and the like. We had a blast hanging out. The doctor had given dad an estimate of three years. I took care of him for four. By the end of that time frame, the vivacious comedian I knew was gone. I was feeding, bathing, and changing adult diapers. His medical needs became so much that we were forced to place him in a nursing home for almost two years. Towards the end he had lost his motor functions and spent his life in a special chair because he could no longer walk. He got very ill suddenly and we had to move him to a hospital. Quite out of the blue it was discovered that he had advanced bladder cancer. Due to his condition, it's impossible to know if he was hurting before the signs became obvious to my mother and his caretakers. He simply had no way of telling us, and may not have even really understood what was happening to him.

He died less than a week after we had discovered the cancer. I miss my dad very much. Mostly when I need someone to cheer me up, when times are hard. They've been hard lately, and I just know he'd give me the kick in the pants that I'd need and make me laugh while doing it if he was here.

I've not thought about all of this in a while. I didn't expect my little fannish show to touch me in the way that it has tonight. They say science fiction is a mirror not of who we are, but who we want to be. But sometimes it is who we are, and of that we can be thankful. I am going to miss Stargate: Atlantis when it is gone. I'm going to miss the characters and all the people that bring them to life. I have to say though, in all honesty, it's been wonderful. I'm not sure when I'll be able to watch this episode again, but I hope some of you do. There's a message there amongst the snarky remarks and subtext we all thrive on.

Cherish what you have, because you may not always have it. Keep memories alive not just for yourself, but for others. And NEVER give up hope.



Alzheimer's Association

Title: Montezuma
Author: daughtershade
Fandom: Magnificent 7 (ATF AU)/NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None
Prompt: The two teams have to work together on a case.
Summary: A murder of a Marine Corporal brings Gibbs and the NCIS team in conflict with Denver’s ATF special unit Team Seven.


Part 1

( Montezuma Part 2 )

If you liked this fic you might like another NCIS/Mag7 Crossover fic by Sammie called The Mile High City Affair.

Here's a wallpaper I made for my crossover fic for boxathon.

The pic is 1024 X 640 click on it below to get the full size. The original image is 1280 X 800. If anyone wants the full version, please let me know.

Before I go back to reading SGA fic and twittering...

I just posted two more wallpapers over at mag7fans to go with the four I posted here yesterday in case anyone is interested.

You can find them here. They're of Chris and Vin from Magnificent Seven.

PS- Speaking of SGA fic...I want to read some McKay/Carter stories. Please direct me to your faves.

Title: If I Knew Then...
Author: Shade
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG to NC17
Disclaimer: All assorted characters belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss which is fine, because I suspect Buffy's high maintenance anyway.
Summary: AU-The African demon in Grave grants Spike's wish in a way he never planned. Flung back in time, he has to relive the previous three years with all the knowledge of what's to come.
A/N: Beta by the always lovely blinding_sight. She has been consistantly there for me even as this silly little story of mine dragged out for OMG years. I can never thank her enough! Certain bits of dialog are taken from the following BtVS episodes:
4:22: Restless

Previous Chapters

Chapter 16: Restless OR Spike and Tara and Jonathan save the world!

( Spike walks back toward his crypt with a sense of satisfaction. )

Yeah, I'm lame.  I haven't been posting due to the excessive work + school thing.  I'm not doing much at work.  I got an internship with our workforce division.  So basically I sit around waiting for people to call in sick and process emails.  If only they'd let me have LJ access at work.  I'd be posting entries up the wazoo.  I have been using the time to type up some stuff I wrote a while back.  Maybe I'll let it see the light of day.

This week I'm on vacation, which means going home to visit mom and lounging about playing FFXII.  Ah, I could get used to this.  I feel so tired all the time, and  I've lost all creativity.  No photoshop, no writing, no nothing.  I haven't even had time to keep up with my friends list.  I feel like I've been missing a lot.  I know there's good fic going on out there.  If anyone has any recommendations to sling at me, have at it.  I am at least up to date on all my shows since I finally broke down and bought a Tivo.  It is teh awesome for sure.  I'm digging Supernatural so far this season.  I thought the chicks were going to be lame, but Kripke totally has my back so far.  Let's just hope he keeps it that way.  Atlantis on the other hand...


House is still fun.  Heroes is hit or miss with some of their storyline threads, but I'm still digging it.  But that's about all I have to say.

I just wanted to jump on and let everyone know I'm still alive.  Plus, I wanted to wish everyone a happy and safe Halloween! 

Someone nominated If I Knew Then... for round seven of the Fang Fetish awards! Thanks so much. It was really unexpected and a plesant surprise when I came back from vacation.

I've been back since Thursday, but I've been playing catch up and resting so I haven't had time to post. It's sad that you need a vacation to rest from your vacation. I didn't even go anywhere but home. I did get to see the 40's new paint job. It's going to look great once we get it all finished. I'm so glad that I have tomorrow off, I'm tired! I'm thinking about going to the movies and just basically doing nothing.

I need to get some writing done. I have a plan for the last chapter of If I Knew Then... but I just haven't had time to sit down and write the darn thing. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that tomorrow or Wed.

Now for some Doctor Who squee....

( Spoiler cut for Who 3.10 and 3.11 )

Title: If I Knew Then...
Author: Shade
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG to NC17
Disclaimer: All assorted characters belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss which is fine, because I suspect Buffy's high maintenance anyway.
Summary: AU-The African demon in Grave grants Spike's wish in a way he never planned. Flung back in time, he has to relive the previous three years with all the knowledge of what's to come.
A/N:Beta by the wonderous blinding_sight and lovely 50ftqueenie. Certain bits of dialog are taken from the following BtVS episodes:
4:21: Primeval

( Chapter 15: Primeval )